Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Enough is enough!!
I don't really use our blog as a journal...maybe a little for Aida, but I have so many mixed emotions in me I feel like I am going to BURST if I don't let some of those out. This past year has probably been one of the worst of my life...with drama with my sister and her family, loosing pretty much everything because of our business partner in Idaho, more drama with the rest of our family, and everything else you can imagine. I have really tried to be positive, when we first moved back to Folsom I knew that it was for a reason...to help out my nieces and nephews, but now I just don't know. I am not trying to be ungrateful, I know that things could be a million times worse, I have friends who have far worse trials than we do and whenever it feels like too much I try to think of them and how hard it must be for them. These last few weeks have just been more than I can handle and I am letting the pity party come out. Jesse has been trying to get a new job for the last few months, working with his dad is just not working out. He has had a few great offers just not the "perfect" job that he hoped for, then he found it...we would be based out of Boise, it was commercial construction which he wanted to get into and everything was perfect...he got down to 1 of 3 and then got the call that they had chosen someone else...we were crushed. I just don't know how much more disappointment I can handle. Its like everyday there's more horrible news! All of this takes such a toll on myself, Jesse, our relationship and even Aida. It so hard to even talk about things with Jesse cause we are both just waiting to explode so any little thing causes a huge fight which gets so out of control because we both have so much stuff we are holding in. I know that we are here to go through trials and become strong and grow...but how much longer are they going to continue with out even a little break?? Like I said before I know that we are blessed...I am so grateful for the things I have, for my sweet daughter who is healthy, for my husband, for the gospel. I just feel alone...my parents are supportive but those who know them know that they are a little too supportive...my dad is a little annoying and goes on and on and on and Jesse's family is the exact opposite...lets put it this way, we live 2 minutes away and I think his parents have only been to our house twice!! We pull up to church at the same time as them and they don't even wait to walk in together and we don't even get invited to family things. I'm not close to my sister anymore...since she is going through her own crap right now...so its just really hard. They always say when it rains it pours but come on...their is like no sign of the pouring stopping!! I wish I had Jana, Rachelle and Ashley's optimism but I have just had enough! I don't know what Heavenly Father needs us to learn from all of this but I just wish we would learn it already...I'm ready for some good news!!
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13 comments:
Devon, I am so sorry. I could not understand more what you mean!! The last year of my life has been without question one of the more trying years...actually, to be honest, it's way better now than it was when I was married to Josh, but, for its own reasons, it's been unbelievably tuff. And the trials have continued. Just yesterday I was talking to my dad crying asking the very question you have asked, when is it enough? All, I can say, and I know you know this, is that it will get better. You just have to keep that gorgeous smile on your face and have faith that it will all work out. One thing that I have always tried to remind myself of is that I dont see the whole picture. God does. There may be something even better in store for your family down the road and He needs to make you ready when it presents its self. Dont lose hope! Love, Sara :)
Oh Sweetie... I so know exactly what you are going through. I think I had this same melt down a few months ago and also posted it on my blog!!! We got screwed out of A LOT of money by a business partner too, and we've been on the rocky employment rollercoaster for far too long, but you don't need to hear about my crap, and you don't need a bunch of useless advice, I just want to share one thing with you :) While we've been going through our set of trials I just kept feeling like I couldn't handle anything else, and all I wanted was a little STABILITY, then one day I finally realized that even if my finances and future weren't stable, my Savior was... He is the one constant rock in your life, so just remember that when the rain comes a-pourin'... just lean on him and breathe knowing that you have ONE thing you can count on!!! And I know how wonderful venting can feel, so if you need an ear, give me a call at 702-824-1302. You are loved... hang in there :)
I'm sorry Devon. Things will get better...I promise! Just have faith and they will work out. I know we haven't seen eachother forever, but if you want to get together for lunch and talk I would love it. Let me know.
Wow, I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. It really breaks my heart to hear how much people are struggling right now. Please know that you are not alone. I think for me, when I'm really down, I pray that I will be able to forget myself and think of others' needs. I've found that serving others has made my problems seem smaller and I feel closer to my Savior. That's often hard to do when you are surrounded by trials, though. I also feel some solice when I go to the temple, it reminds me of the bigger picture. I will pray for you. I hope the venting helped a little, it really helps me. Please don't feel alone, there are plenty of people out here in the blogasphere who are thinking of you and your darling family. Good luck! -Cathi
Devon-I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. I will pray for you & your family also.I agree though that it's good to vent. That way you can get it all out and maybe by talking about it someone will be able to help you guys in a way that you hadn't thought of.
Be mad, it's okay! Ultimately we are all human and I think Heavenly Father understands that. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share what is going on in your life. I think all too often many of us choose not to share our struggles when they really could help us and others. Look how many people posted who have felt the same way lately. I hate slumps. I hope it passes soon.
Take care,
Ashley
When I was reading your blog I felt like I was reading my own. Things will get better even though it doesn't seem like it. When we were going through a rough patch I was so blessed to have Zoe in our lives. She would make us laugh and the day just seemed so much better. A playdate sounds awsome!!
Devon, Oh can i tell you, we have had 2 years like that and it never seems to go away. Thank you for sharing it helps me feel better thats also way im writing you to let you know your not the only one. And it helps to know that its not just my in-laws that act like that. good luck i hope all works out.
Lanie
dude that is so frustrating. I have the hardest time when Robby & I fight. Then it makes it even harder when you know someone (your little girl) needs you and you have to be there for her. I hope you catch a break soon. I'll be thinking about you and love you.
Oh, I am so sorry! I have been wanting to hear about Jesse's job offer. I am glad you told us what you are going through. Being long distance, I don't know what life is like for you in Cali. You'll just have to plan another visit to Idaho, so you have something to look forward to!
With my trials, I think about "timing"...Obviously it's not "time" for another child in our family right now. There must be other things to do and learn first. For you, it must not be "time" to leave Cali, as much as you want to. Keep your head up and know something better is in store.
I always think of the boyfriend I had before Jackson. I thought it was the end of the world when we broke up, but if I hadn't, I would have never found Jackson! The hard times will lead to happiness! Unfortunately, our lives are on the man upstairs time frame, and not ours. Keep your head up cause if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. Love ya...if you need to chat, give me a call!
Oh Devon, hang in there. You have every right to be frustrated! I wish I could give you a hug! If you need to vent more I am here, seriously! Maybe you need a girls night out, we could go get ice cream or Jamba!!!!
I had a few years like that not too long ago. We had just lost Debbie, a family member became very distant(he was one of my best friends), I became pregnant and was VERY sick, then after Carson was born I had almost 1 year of postpartum depression. I know that feeling of when it rains it pours.
I just wish we could see the eternal perspective that Heavenly Father sees.
My thoughts and prayers are with you! May you continue to look for the blessings even through the trials!
Omigosh, I am so sorry. We have definitely felt like that as well. Seriously...and we are praying for you too.
You know the one thing that is helping me lately? There is one quote in the Ensign for June that says that we were "taught and prepared for the circumstances we would personally encounter in mortality". I mean, I knew we had an idea of what would go on, but the quote says that we kind of sat down, checked out every SPECIFIC trial we would face, got some pointers on how to handle it, and signed up anyway. (pg 67, first column). To me, that is just an astounding perspective. We had a tutoring session for EVERY problem and yet we still decided it was worth it to go thru with it.
We hope and pray that things get much better for you and your family soon! Everything happens for a reason, and while it seems unclear as to what that reason is now...it is always easy to look back in retrospect and go, "ohhhh." That break'll come. It always does.
i must say i have never been in your place, so i cant say i understand. but i am sorry you are having such a hard time. i wish i had something of great knowledge to say to you, but i am not that smart. just know that i am thinking about you guys. and if there is ever anything i can do let me know.
amanda
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